My Depression Essay Example for Free

My Depression EssayGrowing up in a minuscular town wasnt always easy for me. I felt that I was constantly hiding and denying the person that I was and the life that I lived. I was forced to be someone that I really wasnt due to the fact that I had a family secret that I was withholding in order to protect the well-known, family name, Hutcherson. In highschool, no one but family members and close friends knew that I lived with an intoxicantic father. As a child I was always taught to keep our family life secret and never let people know the struggles that our family faced. People always thought that I had the best of everything because of the material possessions I accumulated from my dad. They assumed that because our family had money, we were problem free and oh, how wrong they were It was until my ripened year at Halls High School that I kept leading people on to believe a lie. I finally got tired of savor as though I was two different people with two different lives.Afte r attending counseling for several months, because of the depression that had taken a tole on me, my psychiatrist helped me to realize that it wasnt my fault that my father has this addiction. I soon figured out that there was no reason to be ashamed or embarrassed for things that I had no control over. If people liked me, they should like me for the real me, not who I had been pretending to be. I learned to deal with my fathers alcohol problem by acknowledging the stages of the grieving process. Dr. price taught me that in order to make peace with the hardships in my life, I had to overcome each of the five processes denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.Denial was the first, and belike the hardest stage of the grieving process. It seemed as if denial overwelhmed my entire life, even from childhood. It was hard, at times, to admit that living with an alcoholic parent was a part of my life. I didnt extremity to accept the fact that this was a definite part of who I really was. I was ashamed and humiliated. I remember being embarrassed to tell Dr. Bell the whole truth. I also felt like by doing so, I was dishonoring my family and degrading my father. However, after I came to terms with the truth that I had been denying for so long, I felt like a ton of bricks were lifted from me.The second stage of the grieving process is anger. I can remember being so phrenetic at Dad for putting our family through this. There were times that I hated him and wished that something bad would happen to him, just so I could go screen to the life I was accustomed to living, that of lies. I blamed my mother for staying with him and giving us children no choice as to what we wanted. I envied her just about as much as I envied him. I know now, that even though she wasnt happy, she was doing what she felt she had to do, and that was support him 100%. I no longer look at this situation as something to be angry at. I see my father now, as a sick man and not one that intentionally has this unspeakable addiction to hurt the ones he loves.There were times that I remember bargaining with God, asking him to please take this away. I would pray at iniquity that if he would just heal my father, I would be pull up stakesing to do whatever it took to show appreciation. I would make deals with my father, Dad, if you dont drink for two weeks, I will mow the lawn for free. It was things like this that would sometimes be the only thing that gave me hope. At times, the things that I would say to my father would work, only because of the quilt that he felt, but it wouldnt be long and he would be back in the same boat he had been in for many years drinking, uncontrolably.The forth stage is depression. I stick out to say that this is the hardest thing I have ever faced (and still facing) in my life. Looking back now, I remember the thing that depressed me the some was thinking that things were getting better and then being disappointed again. There were ti mes that Dad would stop drinking, sometimes weeks at a time. Though I always knew in my heart that it wasnt going to last long, I still had hope that that particular time could be different.